60 Minutes with the President

Famous Fusion Band Baltic Avenue Asks Obama for Stimulus
By Steve Bowen, Drummer for Baltic Avenue

My band, Baltic Avenue, recently had the pleasure of performing and then sitting down with our 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama. We asked for a couple hours of his time, but given his busy schedule he was only able to give us about 60 minutes. Still, we were honored that he would give us 40 minutes more than he gave famous actor Charlie Sheen, who only got 20 minutes to discuss the important topic of 9/11. But that’s no surprise to me, since he’s a fan of such jazz greats as Miles Davis and Charlie Parker, whose works truly influenced our own unique blend of music styles. So I felt like we had a lot in common right off the bat. We began by performing privately a 40 minute set of our new music for him and spoke with him afterwards for about 20 minutes or so, while the guys from Roadie Rage were too busy packing up all our gear.

Disclaimer: The interview you are about to read didn’t actually happen. But, if it had, this is how it would have played out.

Steve Bowen – Good afternoon Mr. President, thanks so much for taking time to listen to us play and speak with us. I’m Steve Bowen, the drummer, and with me I have Gintas Abarius, the keyboardist, and Jeff Coppedge, guitar player.

Gintas Abarius – It is good to meet you, Mr. President.

Jeff Coppedge – Hello.

President Barack Obama – It’s an honor to meet you all and it was truly a real pleasure to hear you all play. You guys sounded fantastic! Honestly, that was some of the best music I’ve heard in a long time, probably in my entire life. Where can I listen to more?

SB – Well sir, you can find links to some of our performances on our website, BalticAvenue.net. And please, download our original song “Blessed is the Man” while it’s still available for free.

PBO – As a professional politician, I really do try my best to serve all Americans and make everybody happy whenever possible. I see that by your unique blending of various musical styles, including jazz, blues and even country, that you are doing the same thing I am: helping to bring all kinds of different folks together, under some kind of new world order of music.

GA – Our music is based on what is most respected around the world as American music: blues and all forms coming from blues, and mixing that music with cross cultural things. Our prime vision is to build bridges between, let’s say, North Carolina and countries of the Baltic region, like my home country of Lithuania.

PBO – So fellas, how can I help you?

JC – Due to the current economic crisis in the US, professional musicians like ourselves are having a really hard time raising the funds we need to record our next album. We have plenty of original material for it…

PBO – Are you asking me for some kind of a federal business loan?

GA – I think in your country you refer to this as an economic stimulus.

SB – That’s right, Jeff is saying we need a little stimulus, if you know what I mean. Maybe a bailout for all talented musicians everywhere who are just trying to do their jobs and record new material for their fans, like we are.

JC – Well, I’d rather have you, Mr. President, speak to the American people on our behalf and ask them to help us come up with the money to record…

PBO – Hmm, let me see what I can do. I do seem to have an unbelievably tremendous amount of influence on both the mainstream media and congress these days. Perhaps I could appoint some kind of a music czar who would determine which bands are talented enough to qualify for a piece of the stimulus pie? If that doesn’t work, we can find the money from somewhere. I have friends who helped me get elected who literally create money out of thin air, can you believe it? Out of thin air. It’s like black magic, a good kind of black magic.

SB – How about appointing Gintas as music czar? After all, he was voted best jazz pianist in all of Lithuania and even wrote several of their national anthems.

PBO – (laughs) Yes, it sounds like he certainly would qualify. Perhaps Gintas could help us work on a new national anthem that would better reflect the direction we are taking this country in?

GA – I would be happy to serve.

JC – At the very least, Mr. President, we sure would appreciate it if you send your friends and perhaps all the American people to our website. Where they can click on a PayPal donation to help support the recording of our new material. Please remember, we are starving artists. and even Gene Simmons has publicly stated that the music industry is six
feet under.”

PBO – Now that is something I can help you with. Don’t forget to give me an autographed version of the new CD when it’s finished.

SB – And don’t you forget to register as a user to our new website, so you can receive the latest news posts automatically via email. And I encourage you to book us through the site for your big upcoming White House events quickly, while we can still get you on the calendar. So, Mr. President, can we count on you to keep your promise to make a generous donation today on the Baltic Avenue website?

PBO – Well guys, sorry, but it looks like our time is up. How would you like a lift on Air Force One back to Raleigh?

(whole band) – Wow, that would be great! But, how would we cover our carbon footprint? Are you sure Al gore would approve?

Baltic Avenue is a jazz fusion band out of the Raleigh Triangle area in North Carolina. Check them out on the web by visiting BalticAvenue.net.